Funny Facebook Status Comments

• is getting a grip on reality..and choking it to death.
• is out making some changes in his or her life...leave a message and I'll get back to you. if I don't return your message you are one of the changes!
• is tired of chasing his dreams. I'm just going to ask where they are going and hook up with them later.
• is purposely pouring water on Gremlins
• is swearing to drunk that he is not god
• is [censored]
• thought he had a good tan... until he took a shower!
• is putting the pro in procrastination
• used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything.
• says my computer just beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
• I'm not high maintenance. I am just a precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
• Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
• is back.. by popular demand!
• is not spoiled. Is not, is not is not!
• is a blessing in an exceptionally good and convincing disguise
• is clapping her hands and stomping her feet because she is happy and she knows it
• is normal.. it's everyone else that's weird
• is joining the army. He hears it's a great way to meet people. Then kill them
• is just not that into you
• is having trouble watering the plastic plants
• didn't fight his way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
• married his wife for her looks. But not the ones she's been giving him lately!
• always takes life with a grain of salt... plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila
• Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married
• slept like a baby last night . Waking up every 3 hours crying for food

Funny Facebook Status Ideas

• feels like getting some work done...and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes.
• is color blind and trying to solve a Rubik's cube... This could take a while...
• dreams of a better world...where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.
• is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
• whoever says paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper
• would rather check her Facebook than face her checkbook.
• . Is wondering why the hell Noah didn't leave the cockroaches and rats off his ark...
• just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! Till socks last.
• ... is Loading ████████████ 99%
• My wife said I'm too immature and if I don't grow up it is going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
• Hi, my name is Damimeve. The 'mime' is silent.
• Statistically, 150% of all people exaggerate.
• Statistically 8/6 of people have trouble with fractions.
• I just read a list of 'the 100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them...
• Top Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked "do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "what do you need?"
• Learnt the hard way that you do not joke with customs officials... or anyone who has the right to put his fist up your backside.

Funny Facebook Status

• used to be schizophrenic but now both of us are all right
• too is being recalled by Toyota
• is a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face
• is coming to theater near you.
• is not a complete idiot, some parts are missing
• is everything you're not
• .. because you're worth it
• is the one who stole the frigg'n cookie from the cookie jar. Now shut up
• is havingtrou blewithhis spacebar
• is writing this to entertain the losers who take the time to actually read what others 'status' is
• is not doing what Simon says
• is trying to focus on getting the... Oh look, a squirrel!
• has let the dogs out
• is X rated
• is as seen on TV