Funny Facebook Status Comments

• is getting a grip on reality..and choking it to death.
• is out making some changes in his or her life...leave a message and I'll get back to you. if I don't return your message you are one of the changes!
• is tired of chasing his dreams. I'm just going to ask where they are going and hook up with them later.
• is purposely pouring water on Gremlins
• is swearing to drunk that he is not god
• is [censored]
• thought he had a good tan... until he took a shower!
• is putting the pro in procrastination
• used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything.
• says my computer just beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
• I'm not high maintenance. I am just a precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
• Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
• is back.. by popular demand!
• is not spoiled. Is not, is not is not!
• is a blessing in an exceptionally good and convincing disguise
• is clapping her hands and stomping her feet because she is happy and she knows it
• is normal.. it's everyone else that's weird
• is joining the army. He hears it's a great way to meet people. Then kill them
• is just not that into you
• is having trouble watering the plastic plants
• didn't fight his way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
• married his wife for her looks. But not the ones she's been giving him lately!
• always takes life with a grain of salt... plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila
• Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married
• slept like a baby last night . Waking up every 3 hours crying for food